First Day

Tomorrow will be his first day.

A day full of firsts.

First day riding the bus alone. First day of school. First day eating in a cafeteria. First day being on his own without family for 8 hours. First day navigating a school.

So many firsts.

He is excited. He’s been so excited for the past two weeks counting down the days until he starts school.

I know I need to be excited for him, and I am… but in the back of my mind runs a million thoughts.

Tears dance behind my eyes and I continue to remind him of fun things, ‘your classroom was so cool! Do you remember that awesome library? You get to have music class too!’

He is excited.

My mind goes into over drive.

There is the usual worries: is he going to be safe on the bus. He is so small for that bus. Will they make fun of him? Will he know how to talk to other kids? Will be be bored?

Then there are other worries; does he know to ask to go to the bathroom? Did I enforce manners enough that he will remember them? Did I remind him enough to be kind to others? Did I pack him enough food? Will be tell his teacher if he needs something? Will he be scared? How did we survive?!

Part of me wishes I could give him a cell phone and say, ‘you call me if you need anything!’

If we step back and think—- is school is bizarre concept. We put them on a bus alone after we’ve harped on them about seatbelt safety. We put them in a vehicle with a complete stranger. To drive to a building that they’ve been to one other time. To get off the bus in a nearly brand new place, to go meet other adults that are also new to sit in a new place and learn.

My heart can quickly get overwhelmed. Anxiety can start to set in. The anxiety that feels like a boa constrictor is around your heart. You physically feel the tightness and discomfort. Tears well your eyes.

You pray.

You pray because that is all that you have left. Pray that the right people will be in his life at all times. That teachers are in tune with him and can see if he’s struggling.

You pray because he said, ‘mom, I’m really nervous about school tomorrow,’ as you tucked him into bed.

You remind him that he can always say a prayer when he’s nervous or scared and God will guide him through. He says his prayer. The most beautiful and heartfelt pray that you know if from his heart. Just matter of fact and pure.

He will be okay. God is good. God will keep him.

He will be okay. God will keep him.

The tears dance down my face. I know I need to cry these tears now so that I can put on a happy smile for him in the morning.

I’ve told him for years and I know he believes and will remember

‘I am brave. I am smart. I am strong. I can do anything with God on my side.’

God is good. God bless all of our kids that are heading back into school. Bless them with health, safety and a sound mind ❤️